Ready to Receive

The coffee maker clicks off.

The clock changes to nine.

My shoes wait beside the front door. My keys rest in the little bowl on the table.

I said I would leave at nine.

I sit down and pull on one shoe. Then the other.

My fingers fumble with the laces.

My heart beats hard.

My stomach tightens.

Energy moves through my body.

I pause with one lace pulled tight between my hands.

I know what this feeling means.

I place my palm against my chest and say ~

I say it again ~

“I don’t feel anxiety. What I feel is readiness.”

My heart keeps beating.

Good.

My heart is doing its job.

It is getting me ready.

I finish tying my shoe and stand.

My jacket hangs beside the door. I slide one arm into it, then the other.

I pick up my keys.

I close the apartment door and turn the lock.

My hand rests on the knob for a moment.

The lock is set.

I let my hand fall.

I say ~

“I’m not who I used to be, I’m who I choose to be.”

I am the person who trusts the turn of the lock.

I am the person who keeps his word.

I turn away from the door.

At the elevator, I press the button.

The circle lights.

I leave my hand at my side.

It heard me the first time.

The numbers above the door begin to fall.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

I stand still.

Waiting is part of moving.

I have already called the elevator.

Now I let it come.

What do I want this morning?

To be here for my own life while it is happening.

I say ~

I say it again ~

“As soon as I’m ready, the universe delivers to me everything I desire.”

The number changes to one.

The doors open.

A neighbor steps out and holds the door with one hand.

“Morning,” he says.

“Morning.”

I step inside.

Downstairs, the glass doors part.

I enter the opening.

The gate outside the coffee shop rattles upward.

A bus exhales at the curb.

Sunlight reaches the crosswalk.

The morning delivers in ordinary ways.

A door opens.

Someone makes room.

The light changes.

The universe delivers openings.

I still have to enter them.

My heart beats hard.

I know what it means now.

“I don’t feel anxiety. What I feel is readiness.”

I step toward the corner.

“I’m not who I used to be, I’m who I choose to be.”

The walk signal changes.

“As soon as I’m ready, the universe delivers to me everything I desire.”

I go.