What I Had
The pizza place had three picnic tables beside the gas station. A box fan stood in the kitchen doorway, blowing warm air at nobody.
Oliver had already eaten the tip of a slice when Syd came back across the lot. Syd put a packet of Zig-Zags on the table and sat down.
OliverPizza’s getting cold.
SydSome guy stopped me outside the store. Needed gas to get home.
OliverYou give him anything?
SydMy last dollar.
OliverWhere’s home?
SydDidn’t ask. I hope a dollar was enough to get him there.
Oliver glanced at the rolling papers.
OliverWhat’d those cost?
SydFour.
OliverFour dollars for yourself, one for the stranger.
SydI met myself first.
Oliver laughed.
SydI’d already bought them. I wasn’t standing there dividing up a charity budget.
OliverI’m not grading you.
SydYou did announce the percentages.
OliverThe amounts.
SydMuch better.
A pickup pulled between the tables and the pumps. The driver had his window down and one hand drumming on the roof. They waited for him to pass.
OliverWhat’d he say?
SydAsked if I was sure. I said I was in the red anyway. Then he felt bad and tried to give it back.
OliverYou could’ve said it was all you could spare.
SydIt wasn’t spare.
OliverAll right.
SydI didn’t think that would bother him. I was trying to say I wasn’t any better off. He didn’t have to explain himself to me.
OliverDid you tell him that?
SydNo. I told him to take the dollar.
OliverYou’re asking him to get a lot out of that dollar.
Syd reached into the pizza box.
SydIt got awkward. I wanted him to take it so we could both leave.
OliverDid he?
SydYeah. Said thanks about four times. I hope it helped.
Oliver looked toward the pumps.
OliverYou could’ve come over here.
SydFor what?
OliverI had some money.
SydI wasn’t giving away your money.
OliverYou could’ve asked me.
SydYou were eating.
OliverIt’s pizza, Syd.
SydAnd he was already embarrassed. I didn’t want to bring him an audience.
OliverI could’ve walked over without making a speech.
SydYou’re making one now.
OliverI was forty feet away.
Syd took a bite. Oliver left him to it.
At the next table, two women were sharing a pizza. One had picked the green peppers off her slices and arranged them on the lid. The other sat sideways on the bench, her jacket folded across her knees.
“He wasn’t my first love, but he received every type of love I had to give.”
Her friend stopped moving the peppers. A timer sounded inside the kitchen, and someone called for it to be turned off.
SydThat’s a hell of a thing to be able to say.
OliverYeah.
SydI hope he knew.
OliverI hope she told him.
SydYou’ve got homework for everybody today.
Oliver smiled, but Syd kept looking at him.
SydWould you say something like that?
OliverTo somebody I loved?
SydKnowing they might just say thanks.
OliverI’d want them to know.
SydThat’s not all you’d want.
OliverNo. I’d want them to love me back. I’d probably be pretty disappointed with thanks.
SydFour times, though. How would you feel about four thanks?
Oliver laughed and shook his head.
OliverI don’t know. I’d still rather say it.
The woman with the peppers slid the last slice onto her friend’s plate. Their voices dropped beneath the fan again.
SydI hate that you can give somebody something and then spend the rest of the day wondering whether it was enough.
OliverIt might not be.
SydI’m aware.
OliverThat doesn’t make it nothing.
SydYou make it sound like I should’ve stayed until he had a full tank.
OliverI’m saying you could’ve found out what he needed.
SydHe told me what he needed. I gave him what I had.
OliverAnd you had a friend sitting over here.
Syd set his slice down.
SydIs that what we’re doing now? Counting everything I didn’t give him?
OliverI’d have liked to be asked. We sit here talking about what we’d do if we could do something. This time there was somebody right over there.
SydAnd I did something.
OliverI know. I wasn’t trying to replace you.
SydFine. Next time somebody asks me for a dollar, I’ll bring you over to supervise.
Oliver leaned back from the table.
OliverDon’t do that.
SydWhat?
OliverTell me you’ll do something you don’t intend to do just to shut me up.
SydI wasn’t being serious.
OliverI am. You gotta say what you believe, cause if you say anything else, pretty soon you won’t believe anything.
Syd looked toward the store. The pickup was gone. A woman in a blue work shirt was wiping her windshield, reaching across the hood to get the far corner.
SydI think what I did was worth doing. Even if it wasn’t enough to get him home.
OliverSo do I.
SydYou have a funny way of saying it.
OliverI can think that and still think you could’ve asked me.
SydIncluding when your friend just wants to eat his pizza and feel good about his dollar.
OliverApparently.
Syd laughed once, despite himself.
SydI wasn’t telling you so you’d think I was a good person.
OliverI know.
SydThe guy looked surprised. That’s what stayed with me. He asked for something and then looked surprised when he got it. I don’t like that.
Oliver looked toward the store.
SydI don’t want to get good at walking past people. I already do it enough.
OliverThen why make asking me such a terrible idea?
SydBecause I don’t know where it stops. I come get you. You give him five. He needs twenty. Do we go inside and start asking everybody buying cigarettes?
OliverMaybe we ask him where he’s going before we worry about all that.
SydAnd if he’s going a hundred miles?
Oliver rubbed a spot of grease off his thumb.
OliverI don’t know what I’d do.
SydNeither do I. I knew what to do with a dollar.
The man from the kitchen came out carrying two flattened boxes. He held them against his hip and switched off the fan.
“Gonna need these tables in a few minutes.”
OliverWe’re nearly done.
“No rush.”
The man stayed in the doorway.
Syd looked at him, then at Oliver. Oliver folded the lid over the last slice.
SydI still hope it got him home.
OliverMe too.
Syd picked up the rolling papers and slipped them into his pocket.
The two women were leaving. One waited while the other went back for her jacket. Oliver dropped their empty cups in the bin.
SydCan you give me a ride?
Oliver picked up his keys.
OliverYeah.